Monday, July 17, 2006

You can't fix stupid

M and I were having one of those insane married-couple arguments the other day, where both of us were right and wrong at the same time, which means you just go around and around in circles with neither of us winning or's insane, and I won't bore you with the details, but I'm sure all of you people in committed relationships know exactly what I'm talking about. It was so idiotic it made my curls curl even tighter. Oh wait, maybe that was the insane humidity of my beloved city.

Anyway, I called my sister, Beans, to vent, because she always talks me off the ledge and makes me laugh, and she, wise woman that she is, gave me a saying that is still making me giggle. "Let it go, Aim," she said, "Because you can't fix stupid."

Wow. That's a startling revelation to me. And it's making my life so much easier. I look at tons of people now with new eyes. Instead of getting pissed, I can now sadly shake my head and say, "Bless her just can't fix stupid."

I learned the "Bless his/her heart" thing from my old boss. She was as politically correct as they come, agonizing over one-line e-mails and fax cover sheets, "Did I state that I have three pages including the cover sheet okay? Am I going to offend anyone? What about the people who don't count cover pages as part of their faxes? Will they think I'm being anal?" Oh my god...send the damn fax already. Despite her Dudley Doright nature, she would sometimes devolve and lapse into stinking humanity with the rest of us and get downright snarky. But she always preceded her rip with the phrase, "Bless her heart..." which made it sound like she was being nice when she was really gutting the person's character. "Bless her heart, she's just dumber than a Ding-Dong."

It's okay to torch someone as long as you throw some religion into the mix. "I've blessed you, so now I can rip you to shreds with a clear conscience." What would Jesus do? Jesus would bless you and then kick your ass for being a moron. I think that's what she was trying to say.

So, my quote for the week, and perhaps the month or even the year, is "You can't fix stupid." Try'll like it.


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