Dear M,
My darling husband,
It is now 1:30 a.m. I went to bed before 10 p.m. last night so I could get a good night's sleep. This is essential when one has a goal of rising at 5:10 to go run. Most of us need a solid 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep to be functioning human beings.
I am no longer in that category. I am now in the category of raging insomniac, unable to sleep and pissed off.
Your cell phone alarm, for reasons unknown, has gone off approximately every 9 minutes since midnight.
You can see where this might be conducive to, you know, wakefulness.
Only you can't see that, because for some reason it's not bothering you. You take anywhere from 10 to 30 seconds to realize it's going off, before fumbling around with the damn thing on your nightstand and, also for unknown reasons, hitting "snooze" instead of "off."
I have tried moving to the couch. That doesn't work because a.) it's not too comfortable, b.) I can still hear the alarm and c.) I can't sleep now anyway because I am fully awake and plotting places on your personal self where I may embed the phone in vitriolic retribution.
I begged you to turn it off. I pleaded. I cajoled. I got pissed and snapped at you, which didn't work either since you got pissed right back. Please excuse me if I fail to see any reason why you should be angry.
I am now tempted to take the phone and place it in a cooler. In your car. In the garage. Or just running over it altogether. That would be a less expensive alternative to having a doctor have to surgically remove it from your body. However, that is not as gratifying as my first option.
I am writing this now so later today, when you are sitting at work wondering why your ass is ringing, you know exactly why.
Much love,
Your Wife
It is now 1:30 a.m. I went to bed before 10 p.m. last night so I could get a good night's sleep. This is essential when one has a goal of rising at 5:10 to go run. Most of us need a solid 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep to be functioning human beings.
I am no longer in that category. I am now in the category of raging insomniac, unable to sleep and pissed off.
Your cell phone alarm, for reasons unknown, has gone off approximately every 9 minutes since midnight.
You can see where this might be conducive to, you know, wakefulness.
Only you can't see that, because for some reason it's not bothering you. You take anywhere from 10 to 30 seconds to realize it's going off, before fumbling around with the damn thing on your nightstand and, also for unknown reasons, hitting "snooze" instead of "off."
I have tried moving to the couch. That doesn't work because a.) it's not too comfortable, b.) I can still hear the alarm and c.) I can't sleep now anyway because I am fully awake and plotting places on your personal self where I may embed the phone in vitriolic retribution.
I begged you to turn it off. I pleaded. I cajoled. I got pissed and snapped at you, which didn't work either since you got pissed right back. Please excuse me if I fail to see any reason why you should be angry.
I am now tempted to take the phone and place it in a cooler. In your car. In the garage. Or just running over it altogether. That would be a less expensive alternative to having a doctor have to surgically remove it from your body. However, that is not as gratifying as my first option.
I am writing this now so later today, when you are sitting at work wondering why your ass is ringing, you know exactly why.
Much love,
Your Wife
posted by Amy at 1:30 AM
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