Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Open season on screech owls

M and I went to the baseball game last night and had a blast. Especially because the Cardinals won, thanks in no small part to Scott Spiezio's phenomenal pinch hitting. Go Spiez! The weather was gorgeous, we were both in a great mood...good Date Night.

I am one of those people who can easily be annoyed by idiots sitting around me. M admonishes me, "Just don't listen! Focus on the game!" I cannot do that. I can only focus on Jim Bob next to me, who is drinking enough beer to get the entire naval fleet wasted and is commenting on every single pitch and how he'd call the game.

But last night, we had something worse. Jim Bob would have been welcome in comparison. Jim Bob and all his drunken cousins/in-laws would have been better than what we had.

We had the Invasion of the 13-Year-Old Girls.


Dogs within 14 miles of the stadium were howling with every screech. Jenny, who was sitting next to me, developed a headache by the 7th inning stretch. My ears started bleeding somewhere around the 8th. Even the huge bald guy in front of me started plugging his ears when they'd start up.

Their mother, who was sitting next to them, told them several times early on to stop annoying the people around them, but then apparently went deaf herself and quit trying to shut them up.

I knew it was bad when M leaned over and asked if I happened to have a stun gun in my kicky little Cardinals purse. Okay, he didn't really ask that, but he made a reference to the girls and it wasn't pretty. Had an expletive or two sprinkled in, that sort of thing. The stun gun (or tranquilizer darts, either will work) was my idea.

It would have been okay if, say, they screeched when Spiezio knocked in two runs. That's fine. We were all hollering at that point.

But they screeched for:
Pop flies
Foul balls
Kennedy coming up to bat
Ludwick coming up to bat
Pujols coming up to bat
Duncan coming up to bat (you get my point)
Seeing friends in the stands
Seeing strangers in the stands
Seeing the Arch
Seeing each other

M and I vowed that we will never, ever allow Zoe to be that annoying to strangers. Please, all of you out there, if we become those parents, just shoot us.


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