Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Gratitude with Attitude

I'm trying hard to stay positive during the current power outage, and for the most part I am successful. However, every once in awhile, it all just feels overwhelming and then I dissolve in a big puddle of tears and self-pity. Which I hate. So then I get pissed at myself for doing that, because who really wants to be around a whiny baby after all? And right now there are a lot of people who are forced to be in close proximity to me, due to the fact that I have no power, along with my MIL and my FIL, and we're all camping out at Grandma Frank's and Uncle Milt's.

So I'm trying hard not to be a whiny baby. And I was doing well, until this morning, when I stood in my now 50-degree house and determined with M what we needed to take with us, and how it's probably time to shut the water off to the house so the pipes don't freeze, and it all just built up and started to push tears out of my eyes. I looked around my beautiful home, that M and I have worked so hard to make for us, for our family, and it feels dead right now. It's cold, and dark, and there are none of the little noises that make it alive. The clocks have blank little faces, and there are no whirring and humming noises of the fridge or the furnace. It feels like a tomb.

It's downright depressing. Because I want to be there more than anywhere else, and yet we can't be.

I just checked the Ameren Outage Map, and they are making progress in my zip code. I really shouldn't check, because during last summer's outage I kept checking and it got to the point where it said there were only two houses without power in my entire zip code...and we were one of them.

In an effort to stave off my reprehensible self-pity, I shall now attempt to list the things I am grateful for:

1. The health of Zozo and M. Although M did go see the ortho yesterday and it looks like he's going to need surgery to repair a torn labrum in his shoulder. But for the most part he's a pretty healthy guy.

2. A warm, inviting place to stay at Grandma's. We crowded around her TV last night and watched "Shall We Dance," with Richard Gere and J-Lo. Cute movie. Brain candy.

3. I have a fantastic job that I adore, and that I look forward to coming to every single day.

4. I have phenomenal in-laws, whom I also adore, and who have welcomed me into their family without so much as a blink, so that when I stay at their house(s), I feel comfortable and at ease.

5. I have a mom who is such a mom in that she does mom things like taking on a bridal shower I'm supposed to be hosting without so much as batting an eye. And who makes me laugh in the middle of the day by calling and asking, "Does Zoe have one of our cordless phones in her shopping cart?" Once, on my way back to college after a long weekend, she called on my cell and asked if I had her cat in my laundry basket.

6. I have an awesome sister who has turned into one of my very best, dearest friends, and who is marrying a great guy who makes me laugh, and who I know will take care of said sister and my nephew like no one else could.

7. I get to eat White Castle for lunch.

I have more, but those are the ones that are particularly top of mind today.

I'm going to try a new tactic with the fine people of Ameren. Instead of smiting and directing thoughts of anger and ill-will toward the powers-that-be there, I'm going to try cheering on the line people who are working hard to restore my power.

Go go go Ameren! Go!


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