over

31:365

So today happened. And since I am all privatelike here now I say much more.

(Aaaaaand now that I'm public again I had to redact a whole detailed story about a security threat on campus and dealing with people who don't have a clue what they're doing but think they know more about my job than I do. Awesome.)
I am glad this week is over. It was rotten. Tonight, though, man. I snuggled with Zozer and we talked and giggled and she confessed she's upset about a friend who she thinks is lying to her at school and we talked through it. My world re-centered on what is important. Love and family. I have an abundance of both. What more could I need?

and then that happened

30:365

Remind me, later, to tell you about this day. It's a doozie of a story, but since the story is far from over I don't have the ending yet.

brains

29:365

The child was instructed to create a subtraction problem that she could solve by using pencil and paper, or doing mental math. She was to explain why she chose her method.

She wrote:

50 - 0 = 50. I chose it because it was easy.

And she still earned a star! Smartass.

left

28:365

On Wednesdays I sit in "my" choir stall for the prayer assembly. On Fridays I sit in "my" choir stall for Mass. Every single weekday, at 11:45 a.m., I sit in "my" choir stall for mid-day prayer. I'm there so much, it's mine.

Except that someone has been leaving this behind, which reminds me that it's not my choir stall after all. I wonder who my stall-mate is. I hope he/she had a better day than I.

Spent the evening erasing most of my online personality. That which I could control, anyway.

I don't think I like the Internets very much these days. I wish we could group all the jerks in one section of the 'net and let them duke it out there. Leave the rest of us in peace to mingle and share as friends.

going dark

This is the first post on my newly private blog.

Since May of 2006 I have shared my photographs and my musings openly here. In this space. It felt safe, even though it was public. I took careful pains to ensure that my blog remained pretty anonymous. After all, how many Amys live in St. Louis? Tons.

I know most of my readers, because they are friends and family and because they are just about the only people who care about my daily ramblings. My stats show that I get the occasional odd hit from foreign countries and such, but I don't mind. I don't post anything of great importance here, especially lately when I don't have time to do much creative writing or dig too deeply into any one thought. Lately, it's mostly been a place to share my photos of the day, and keep myself accountable for my 365.

And then today happened.

Today I learned that a faculty member at the school at which I work spent a lot of time tracking down my blog. And then he shared it with the two people there who would like to see me gone. Apparently they all have a good laugh each day over my posts. While I am confused as to why my inane posts about making stir fry and having a husband who has been working hard each evening are amusing, mostly I feel violated. Like someone broke into my house and didn't take anything, but poked around and looked at all my stuff and then cast judgment.

I learned other things, too, like my salary information has been disclosed to these people and that apparently they have decided I earn too much money and therefore should be fired or driven from the organization. Thankfully, they have no power to do either one.

So tonight I'm allowing myself to curl up in a little ball and feel upset. I am confused and saddened and I feel like I did when I was 13 and realized that some people hated me just because. I am sad because there are 50-year-old bullies in the world. I am sad that I have to take my blog private because grown men have so little to do either professionally or personally that they feel compelled to wonder what I'm up to when I'm not at work. Tonight I'll be sad.

Tomorrow...that's a new day. That's the day when they learn that they have a colleague who is cooler, smarter, and more professional than they could ever hope to be. Tomorrow is when they learn what the real meaning of "bitch" is.

In the meantime, I'm going to see if there is any way I can turn individual posts private on a public blog. I will gladly take the time to turn each and every one of my 2,424 posts private in order to have one lone public post that says, "Hello, gentlemen. Fuck off."

work

27:365

Typical night these days. He works.

wish

26:365

More birthday celebrating. With chocolate cake. Yum.

Today we got close to 60 degrees. Tonight there is a chance of snow around midnight, and right now winds are gusting at 50 mph. Welcome to St. Louis.

Lazy day, after we finished doing our ACTS and Liturgy of the Word for Children duties at church. Zobug is a bit under the weather, scratchy throat and snotty nose. We hung out around the house and snuggled. M got some work done.

I wish tomorrow was another Sunday.

dodgeball

25:365

My team won. Against all odds.

set

24:365

Long day. Ups and downs. Tired now.

birthday

23:365

Hubs celebrated a birthday today. I made him his favorite dinner, lasagna, and a huge pan of fudgy brownies for dessert to feed his chocolate addiction. Zozo and I gave him two new remote control toys - including a spy car with a video camera - and a t-shirt that says, "TRUST ME I'm an engineer."

Happy birthday to my awesome man, my best friend, my Mocholate. I love you!

veggies

22:365

Tonight was stir fry night. Yummy, as usual. I never make it the same way twice because it all depends on which veggies I have in the fridge. This time I had no broccoli, but I did have a red onion. And two colors of bell peppers (normally I use only one). I was really glad I still had fresh ginger, garlic and cilantro.

Worked my butt off today. Hit a brick wall at 4:30, and have felt exhausted and cold ever since. Warm PJs and my bed are now calling.

path

21:365

Cleaning up

20:365

She waited patiently all day while I cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned. She even helped me clean. It wasn't exactly the best day off, so we remedied it with a trip to one of her favorite stores where she got a new bear and used her two free accessory coupons.

My day was not remedied by a trip to my favorite store (Schiller's), but I did score a foot rub from the best hubby in the world. Foot rubs are a rare treat, spaced even further apart than trips to Schiller's, so I'm good. Sore as hell from vacuuming then mopping about 6,000 square feet, but good. And my house is clean. This makes me happy.

Here's to hoping I can move tomorrow!

snuggle

19:365

tradition

18:365

As we've done for many years now, we went eagle watching. Eagle Days at Old Chain of Rocks Bridge, then up the Great River Road to Pere Marquette for lunch and more eagles.

I love family days. I love my family.

droplets

17:365

blown

16:365

It was windy today, and it's especially windy tonight.

Also, I hate it when people are douchebags. Sometimes it completely blows my mind.

proof

15:365

I sat by this window for much of today, proofing. It was a long, tiring day. But peaceful.

light

14:365

Frustrating day at work. Relatively peaceful and all, but I spent a portion of my time doing work that is required only because a colleague has a fragile ego and is stubborn as a mule. It is disheartening to not be able to do my real work because of someone else's insecurities. And it's a waste of time.

I keep praying for this colleague, because it is all I can do. Sometimes this helps me feel better. Sometimes.

I really just wish that people would be held accountable for their actions. If one misbehaves, there should be consequences. My eight year old daughter understands this, so surely it would be reasonable for a 50 year old man to get it.

Bah. What's done is done and there is no use bitching and moaning about it. Tomorrow is another day. There will be light then. There always is.

pink

13:365

journey

12:365

Today I journeyed.

Up to the Old St. Ferdinand Shrine with my ACTS sisters for our mini-retreat.

Through a couple of testy "discussions" with a cranky husband. (He calls them discussions. I call them fights. To-may-to, to-mah-to.)

Through some inner turmoil that has been lurking for awhile but is still buried just deep enough that I can't quite identify it yet. It's a latent unease, and it'll bubble up soon enough into the daylight, I suspect.

Into my feedback forms from my talk Thursday night. I've been told now, multiple times, that I speak too fast. Uh, yeah. This has been an issue since I started talking. If my advertising prof couldn't slow me down by making me give entire damn presentations over again, from the beginning, I doubt it'll get fixed before I present next month. But I will try. I promise I will try.

The weekend is gone, journeyed through and to which I will never return. It's okay...there are far worse ways to spend a weekend and most of it was really good. I just wish there was more weekend and less week.

Also. I need to start writing more and photographing more. This may be where the unease lies. Not doing the things that nurture my soul.

Yep. That's it.

normal

11:365

Today was such a great day, in many different ways. Lots of stuff done, including Christmas completely packed away. Feels good to get things back to normal.

Even if normal means one of the cats wears a Lego hat for 10 minutes.

blue

10:365

unexpected

9:365

Today was a regular old work day that got started late due to waking up feeling like garbage again.

I did find this rainbow on the sidewalk while heading to the dining hall for lunch. Remnants of the chemicals the maintenance guys put down to clear snow and make our pedestrian commutes safer.

Right at the end of the day, like a sucker punch, I got a crappy email from one of the two jerks who happen to be employed where I am employed. (Seriously, if these guys could move on, everyone at work would be a lot happier.) The email was confusing and had lots of big words and smelled faintly of insult and condescension. Okay, it reeked of insult and condescension. I left work feeling hurt and bewildered. Talking it over with M didn't help, as he went into "if I can't fix it for you I'm just gonna get pissed about it" mode.

I headed to my ACTS meeting with the email on my mind and my presentation wreaking havoc on my stomach. I gave my speech and didn't vomit (you have no idea how close I was to actually doing that) and received lots of hugs and affirmations at the end. It was a relief to have it over, and to have it go over so well.

Then I got home and checked my email. There was a message from an associate in our architect's firm. Our home has been nominated for St. Louis Magazine's House of the Year!* I am so very proud of our architect for earning this nomination. He deserves to win! We've been invited to attend the awards evening with our architect and his wife. Hell yeah! What awesome news.

So between the meeting and the house news, Mr. Jerk can stuff it!

*Note: the potential House of the Year currently has a bunch of crap piled on the island and a shit-ton of Lego on a Persian run in the center of the great room. Among other things. This makes me giggle.

gush

8:365

Return to work and school today, and it was actually quite nice. Also had a Girl Scout Brownie meeting, which went as it usually does. I must be getting used to them. I had energy when I got home and made a nice dinner rather than curling up on the couch and waiting for my ears to stop bleeding.

Big water main break a couple miles up my street. Was leaking this morning and gushing at 2 pm. I'm really ready for the polar vortex to end now, thanks.

Big night for me tomorrow. I am slated to give the presentation of my talk written for the ACTS retreat. I was supposed to go next week but this week's presenter called me in a panic on Monday, begging me to switch. Since my talk was mostly written and she hadn't even started hers I agreed, then scrambled to finish and send it to the right people for approval. Just got final word this morning that our associate pastor signed off, so I guess I'm up.

It's on forgiveness.

Deep breath, and a reminder that I'm presenting to a wonderful group of women who will hold me in their hearts the entire time I'm in front of them, and then probably forever after.

Ten years ago I never dreamed of the life I have now. Wasn't even on the radar. My world is so rich and full of such goodness now that I wonder what the hell I was doing back then.

bundled

7:365

M took Zozo sledding on Art Hill today, while I stayed home and continued to recover. I did manage to clean out my personal email to the point where I no longer need to scroll to see them all. This, down from close to 300 or so backlogged.

Back to work and school tomorrow. I guess it had to end sometime!

build

6:365

M busted out his huge collection of Lego today and he and Zozo spent hours playing. They both had a blast and now Hootie owns an elevated Hootie House that spins with the help of a little motor, and the beginnings of a Hootiemobile.

I, on the other hand, slept most of the day as my head cold decided to make a roaring comeback. Most unwelcome, I should say. We all have another snow day tomorrow, so I'm sure there will be more playing and resting. I've seen a lot of Facebook posts about people having cabin fever. I don't have it, and am perfectly happy being holed up with my two most favorite people in the whole world. And Hootie, of course.

snow day

5:365

She started the day by watching the snow fall. Footie jammies and all. We hunkered down today and just lazed around. Played some games, read a bit, watched blizzard coverage on the news, made a big pot of chili, etc. M wasn't so lazy. He shoveled the drive. Twice. After Zo went to bed I enjoyed the two hour season premiere of Downton Abbey (M tolerated it) and then the next Bond movie in our series (which M thoroughly enjoyed). It was A View to a Kill, which I love simply for the theme song done by Duran Duran.

Zozo's school was called off for tomorrow later in the afternoon, and mine an hour or two after that. M watched the news where MODOT and IDOT both strongly recommended staying off the roads tomorrow as well due to winds making it impossible to keep clear, and decided he'll stay home with us. This is a huge breakthrough for him; in years past he'd be the first one on the road in the morning, insisting on making it into the office despite hazardous conditions. I will sleep better tonight knowing he's not going to try to make it to work.

I know we are just delaying the inevitable by extending our break for one more day, but I sure am enjoying it.

toast

4:365

Dinner out at a new barbecue place. New to us, anyway. Fantastic. Then a round (or three) of drinks with family/friends. Great evening full of good conversation and much laughter.

Then home to peruse Facebook and see evidence of St. Louisans going batshit crazy over a snow prediction. Holy crap, people, how long do you think you'll be "trapped?" Lines a mile long at grocery stores, empty shelves, gas stations out of gas...seriously folks. It's a foot of snow at most. I predict it'll be a lot less than that and that the weather clowns just enjoy making you all look stupid once or twice a year. If we get all 12 inches, I'd guess we'll be able to start driving around again in 24 to 36 hours. Good thing you bought those five gallons of milk and eight loaves of bread.

win

3:365

M started ripping down the display today since we're supposed to get a boatload of snow starting tomorrow night. He's got most of it down and put away and predicts he'll be done by noon tomorrow. This is very good, as the temps indicate the snow will be here for awhile and I know he'll rest easier knowing the display is down already. I got all the ornaments off the upstairs tree and should finish the inside decs tomorrow.

But, the big news for tonight is MIZZOU WINS!!! Cotton Bowl Champs, baby! Thanks for a great season, Tigers. Proud to be an alum.

celebrate

2:365

Woke up feeling like garbage, then spent most of the day in bed. I slept so much I got sick of sleeping, and that never happens.

Felt better late today, so I got cleaned up and helped M make dinner. Then I went to my weekly ACTS meeting. I'm serving on the team for the next retreat, and the formation has been amazing. I leave each meeting feeling better, re-energized, and happy. It's pretty awesome.

Full of energy when I got home, I decided to tackle some tech tasks that have been piling up since we moved. My computer hasn't been backed up, nor my iPhone. The new OS is available for download. Old files needed to be cleaned off. That sort of thing. I hit a few stumbling blocks, like not being able to find the damn external hard drive to back up the computer (huge thanks to M for saving my sanity by finding it for me) and then having to reformat it since Time Machine freaked out over having not backed up in 232 days. All is good now. We're backing up, and downloading Mavericks, both of which seem likely to take all night.

On that note, I'll go to bed. Even though I slept most of the day, I'm tired. At least I got the short-version of the cold that is going around, not the one that lingers for weeks as many I know have struggled with.

So far, I'm loving 2014. Yes, I know we are only 2 days in, but it's already better than last year. We're home, after all!

girl

1:365

Again? Why not!

happy

365:365