Cold fries

After years of relegating the little local weekly paper to the recycle bin, I cracked one open a couple weeks ago. What did I find? Gold. Sheer gold. What have I been missing all these years? Besides knowing more about what's going on in my community and the surrounding towns*, and the crossword, I have discovered my favorite section: Area Crime Reports.

Today's paper had this gem:



I can't stop laughing about this. Really? Some asshat is shooting people for being Christian in Oregon, and we have someone starting an altercation over cold fries.

Of course, if this happened at the Wendy's in Rock Hill, I can understand. Those people are idiots.

*Last week my favorite headline was page 1, above the fold: "Zombie Deer Are No Laughing Matter." I'm sorry, but if you can't laugh at zombie deer, what can you laugh at?