____day

229:365

Today we dropped off Zozer's school supplies and met her teacher. We also dropped off her packet full of completed, by me, information forms, contact forms, permission slips, pizza day orders, hot lunch orders, home & school info, and corresponding checks.

Then I rushed to work and got .047% of approximately three different things complete before flying to an 11 am meeting for which I felt wholly unprepared. Upon completion of that meeting at 12:15 I ran back to my office across campus to check voicemail and email, which served only to add things to my task list.

Then I bolted to the dining hall where I ate with the director of finance and the director of operations, which meant we turned it into a working lunch like we always do (losers, all of us).

With lunch crammed down I ran back to my office, collected my items (notes, notebook, calendar, pen, pencil, cell phone, office key) and hastened to another building on campus for a 1 pm meeting. That finished at 2, just in time for my 2 pm meeting, which wrapped up at approximately 3:30. I then sloshed back to my office under a golf umbrella borrowed from a coworker since the storm rolled in just as we were wrapping up.

I got maybe an eighth of a percent of something done before it was time to rush out for an early dinner before Zoe's back-to-school haircut appointment.

Oh, and I also turned 39.

This year, between the new job and the new house and Zoe starting school and the back-to-school parties and preparations and M being halfway around the world, the whole birthday thing dropped so far down the list of priorities as to be almost nonexistent. In fact, the mere thought of my birthday was stressful. Just another thing to add to my list of things to think about, consider, ponder.

Normally I am a big celebrator of birthdays. They are special days...what could be more important than the day you were BORN for Pete's sake?

Apparently, this year, there are a lot of things more important. See list above and add in a rock concert with your buddies (that's for you, M).

I find it hard to be disappointed though, for all these things rising to the top are good things, things that I have hoped and prayed for and dreamt of. Except maybe the part about my husband seeing Def Leppard without me.

So I guess more than anything right now I am simply tired. And struggling to remain grateful for everything I have while wallowing in the pity pool and crying that my husband isn't here. Stupid. I should be stronger than this.

Right?

Tomorrow is another day, and I shall rise to meet it and do the best I can. Thank goodness I am not expected to celebrate anything.

(There were moments in my day that were extraordinary, like my little girl leaping into my arms and screaming, "Happy birthday, Mommy!" That rocked.)