The incompetence of Ty

There's a company that makes small, bean-filled animals. Perhaps you've heard of it: Ty. Several years ago, long before Ty made it big in the crazy world of People Will Collect Anything, M and I purchased two such little creatures on a whim. We were in college, and most likely inebriated at the time. I chose Chocolate Moose (naturally), and he chose Hoot The Owl (for reasons I still can't figure out). Fast forward through the whole dating-engaged-married thing to the day we had a child, and lo, that child grew up and developed an attachment for Hoot (for reasons I still can't figure out)(like father like daughter I guess).

And, since we were such smart parents, we planned to purchase extra Hoots and rotate them through the line-up, so there would always be back-up Hoots in case one went missing or flew the coop or whathaveyou. Thanks to doting grandparents and a godmother, though, we didn't have to purchase any more Hootage beyond the original, but were supplied with three more. Awesome. We congratulated ourselves on our smartness more than once, and took compliments from other parents who had to deal with the nightmare of their child losing their most beloved belonging.

So we've been rotating the Hoots in and out, and they've gotten equal wearage. Until a few months ago when we tried to insert the newest of the Hoots (Hoot 4 of 4) into the mix and got called out on it by a very observant 3-year-old. "Thin Hootie," as he was deemed by M, went into permanent retirement that night, as he falls far short of the Hoot bean quota and is simply too different to try to pass off as The Original Hoot. Hoot 3 of 4 came right back that evening, after we sent Daddy away with Thin Hootie to, ahem, "pump him back up."

The last few days, M and I have been discussing that we really need to relieve Hoot 3 of 4, as his tour of duty was up long ago but was extended due to the mitigating circumstances surrounding Hoot 4 of 4 (since renamed Thin Hootie).

Are you following along here? Good.

Tonight, M signalled to me while we played in the library that this would be a good time for Mommy to sneak out with Hoot 3 of 4 and replace him. Cool. Done. I accepted my mission with grace and alacrity, and before you could coo, "Hooohoooo hooooooo," I was back with Hoot 2 of 4. (Hoot 1 of 4, or Original Hoot, still deserves a vacation. That little owl went through hell before his reinforcements arrived.)

As we put Zozer to bed tonight, and kissed all our animals per our daily routine, we noticed Zoe eyeing him carefully. She'd cuddle him, then pull away and study him, then cuddle some more. M and I shot each other covert glances, trying not to laugh. She didn't say a word, though, and we tucked her in and left.

"Mommy Daddy!" 10 minutes later the call issued forth. "Mommy Daddy!" I went in.

"Mommy. Hootie is FULL."

Dammit.

There is a barely noticeable difference in the amount of beanage in these two Hoots, but apparently it's a world of difference to Zozer.

So we had a discussion about how Hootie's belly is flat whenever she looks at him now, whereas it used to be, well, dented.

"Hmmmm. Maybe Hootie had a BIG dinner and he has a full tummy." She liked that. Thought it was really funny. We poked at his belly for a bit and laughed, and I shook him so she could hear his "beans and rice" (that's what she says is actually in Hootie...maybe he's a Mexican owl?).

And the whole time I'm wondering, silently in my head of course, how hard is it to freakin' calibrate your damn Beanie Baby bean-filling machines so that the same approximate amount of beans goes in each damn owl. I mean, really. This is not rocket science people.

So, tonight, I curse the people at the Ty Beanie Baby company for not caring that parents out here in the real world are struggling with owl change-ups at regular intervals, and that we're possibly stunting the emotional development of our child by making up things like, "Maybe he ate too much at dinner." (Hey, I'm doing the best I can here. Let's see if you can come up with something better.) I'm taking business law, you know. They should watch out. I just might bring a suit against the company to pay for the future therapy bills for my child. There's got to be a statute about proper bean allotment or something.

Just to keep everyone on the same page, here are the standings:
Hoot 1 of 4, now named Original Hoot, still on extended leave.
Hoot 2 of 4, now named Full Hoot, currently in rotation.
Hoot 3 of 4, now named Most Like Original Hoot and just starting his vacation.
Hoot 4 of 4, or Thin Hootie, permanently retired.

Seriously, no one told me about this shit when I signed up to be a parent.