have a seat (or...sit down and shut up!)

166:365

Tonight we attended a Cardinals game with seven girls (and their families) on Zoe's softball team. It was CYC Night at Busch Stadium, and with the lovely weather and M newly returned and several of our friends attending, we were looking forward to it.

M and I wound up seated near a couple we do not know very well. We've had such great interactions with all the other parents that I thought nothing of it and started a conversation, my usual method of finding new friends.

Big mistake. Big. Huge.

I had unwittingly engaged in conversation with The Judgmentals, a lovely husband and wife team who take great pride in determining (and then telling us to our faces) that we are sub-par parents because a.) we have only one child and b.) I work full time. At some point it was also referenced that my home is too small, especially the bedrooms, and therefore unsuitable for their aging parents. Thank goodness that they found a much larger home nearby, and that my home wasn't actually for sale.

I am learning more and more from the monks each day on searching for the good in everyone, and I try to follow M's wise counsel to just let it roll off my shoulders. Tonight I'm not doing a very good job at either.

I'm not angry so much as upset and disappointed that two people who barely know me, barely know us, can so easily cast dispersion on the good life we strive to lead. They don't know about our struggles with infertility (although they do now as I couldn't let the snide, rude comment about "people who are one-and-done" just pass by - although looking back I probably just came across as defensive, which admittedly I was). They don't know what I need to make me feel like a whole person, that I think I'm a far better mother to my child by being a working mom as I am simply not cut out to be an stay-at-home mom. I would be doing a great disservice to both myself and my family if I tried to be someone I am not. I can only be me, and try to be the best me possible.

I think each mother, each family, makes the best decision for themselves, and since we don't wear each other's shoes we shouldn't cast judgment. What is good for your family may not be good for mine, and vice versa. I'm also disappointed that after a year of supportive, positive interactions with so many other parents in Zoe's class, I found the flies in the ointment. I suppose nothing can be perfect, but it was darn good while it lasted. Now I'll just have to do that dance at events where I take care to not be seated near them and such. I have to make an effort now, and actually pay attention, whereas before I just talked to everyone and always had an enjoyable time.

So tonight I'm feeling rather sad and discouraged. It's amazing how much damage someone can do in a five minute conversation. I will be much more keenly aware of what I say to others moving forward, as I don't want to make anyone feel the way I'm feeling tonight.