No grape for me

Purple is, and always has been, my least-favorite candy flavor. Yes, I call purple a flavor because I refuse to call it grape. Purple never, ever tastes like grape. Not in Sprees, SweetTarts, Smarties or Skittles. No DumDums or Jujubees or Lifesavers or Starburst. They all have purple, and none of them taste anything like grapes. Did Willy Wonka decide back in the day that because something was purple (or grape-colored) that it should just be called grape? And then all the other sugar-pushing pimp daddies agreed?

I think it's a conspiracy in the candy world. "We have this flavor, and we don't know what to call it, so let's just dye it purple and call it grape."

In all my years of eating candy (let's just come right out and admit that I'm a hard-core candy veteran, shall we?), I've never been a huge fan of purple. It's always been pretty easy to ditch the purple ones to whomever happens to be around me when consuming candy. "Hey, you like grape?" "Yeah." Commence offloading of purple candy. Everyone else seems to like it, but no one else ever questions why purple doesn't taste like grapes. They're probably too busy enjoying their sugar high.

Not me. I stand up for grapes and taste buds everywhere. I call a spade a spade. I just won't call purple grape.

Up next: why "Canadian bacon" isn't. It's ham. Just call it ham and be done with it. And for Pete's sake, leave it off pizza. Who orders a ham pizza? No one. Because it's not good. Further evidence of a conspiracy, this time by Canadian pig farmers.

It's a mean world, but I'm ready to tackle it by asking the tough questions.