Beware of mug!

So one of my ad reps took me to lunch today to discuss my holiday advertising package, and as a treat she brought me some goodies, emblazoned, of course, with her publication's logo. Great, another baseball cap I don't need (already given away to a colleague). Great, a cheapo Bic pen with the logo (already stashed in same colleague's desk for her to find later). And a travel mug. Oooo, now that's pretty good. "I'll keep the travel mug," I thought.

It looked pretty good even before I unwrapped it from its protective plastic bag. Nice size, good handle, stainless covered in red plexi. Even the logo is pretty subtle. I like travel mugs because I can go charging through the spa with my coffee and not worry about scalding myself or a client.

As I unwrapped it, though, I saw there was a piece of paper tucked inside. I pulled out a little slip that says this:

Congratulations! Here Are A Few Tips To Enhance Your Enjoyment Of Your Drink Ware Product. (I Just Love It When They Capitalize Every Single Word.)

• Wash all parts in warm soapy water before using.
• Hand wash only; Dishwasher may damage and greatly reduce the life of your mug.
• Do not use bleach or cleansers containing chlorine to clean.
• This product was designed to keep liquids hot or cold for an extended amount of time. When drinking hot liquids, please allow to cool to a drinkable temperature before securing the lid.
• Be careful when securing the lid as liquid may escape via the drink hole. Always check to make sure your liquid is secured before drinking.

WARNING:

• Do not overfill. Hot liquids can scald the user.
• When filled with hot liquids, exterior of mug may be hot.
• This product is made with stainless steel. It is not for microwave use. Use in microwave can result in fire or damage to the microwave and your product.
• Do not place products on a stove top or other heat source.
• When filled with hot liquids, keep out of reach of children.
• Do not immerse item in water.

Only in America do we need an 11-bullet instruction list for using a friggin' coffee mug.

Roughly translated, the slip could mean several things:

1. Use this coffee mug at your own risk. Possible perils may result from use of mug, including but not limited to: burns, scorching, fire, and death. We are not accountable for anything bad that might happen to you upon use or misuse of this mug.
2. Some complete f'ing moron did all the things we are listing here and then sued us and won, and so our lawyers say we now have to include this with all our mugs for liability reasons.
3. We think you're really that stupid.

Bottom line: I'm not going to use the travel mug. Call me lazy or cowardly, I don't care. I'd rather stash it in my colleague's desk and keep using my good ol' fashioned easy-to-use, easy-to-clean, no-dire-warning-attached coffee cup.