game

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o

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Tough day today, but with a sweet ending.

I went to visit my Gran in the nursing home. It just about kills me every time we go, but today was especially hard. I am still reeling. Given that she most likely doesn't remember that we visited, I wonder if it's worth the anguish (on my part) to continue visiting. Selfishly, I don't want to remember her this way. Selfishly, I don't want to have more episodes of sobbing and/or lashing out at M and Zoe because I am so overwhelmed with emotions that I simply can't process them rationally. Selfishly, I don't want to be reminded that dementia/Alzheimer's is hereditary.

She struggled to find words today, and she never used our names.

I am terrified. And so deeply saddened that I'm just not sure how to "get over" it and move on. Time, maybe. Hopefully. A good night's sleep will most likely help, along with getting back to work.

Ironic, isn't it, that I'm hoping to forget the fear of forgetting?

This may take a day or two. Or maybe more.

I was able to put that part aside for a bit tonight by meeting my niece Olivia for the first time. Her coos and grunts and smiles melted it all away. I will get to spend more time with her tomorrow, too, and I know she will help me heal. Babies are amazing that way.

cook

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I enjoy cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Celebrated our fourth Christmas tonight. More good food, more laughter. A girl could get used to this.

cousins

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Day late in posting. We went to the Zoo Friday with some cousins. And a large beetle.

dream

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Zozo went to the American Girl store today and picked out her doll. While I'm still not crazy about the idea of a doll costing $110, I did enjoy watching her delight. It's pretty special watching a dream come true. The doll is well-made, and the employees make everything incredibly special. She has waited patiently for so long; I'm really proud of her. She is thrilled, and I'm happy that she's happy. Welcome to the family, Angelina.

celebrate

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T'was a wonderful Christmas!

eve

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And the whole day was as lovely as it started...

early

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Christmas came a little early for ZoBug. She got a piano from Mommy and Daddy. She was so excited; it was awesome to watch. Once the piano was unveiled, that was it. I lost my cookie helper for the night. I did bake to the sweetest music imaginable, though.

ready

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Presents wrapped and sorted under the tree. (Sorting is necessary because we have five different gift exchange events and there is a lot to keep straight.)

Hardwood floors swept and mopped. Mudroom too.

Trash out by the curb.

Zoe's piano due to be delivered tomorrow.

All is good.

tradition

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Jennifer's Pharmacy and Soda Shoppe for lunch today, per our annual Christmastime tradition.

Things are coming along nicely. I'm finally starting to settle down and enjoy this holiday. M and I agree that we've been going so hard for so long that it's hard to sit down now without feeling like we should be doing something.

wrap

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I'm looking forward to at some point relaxing with nothing looming on my to-do list this holiday season. Maybe.

post

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gift

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Yesterday and today Zoe visited two nursing homes with her piano teacher and fellow students. They played their Christmas recital pieces for the residents. Her teacher sets this up each year and it is clear that their time and talent is a huge gift to these people. We are so blessed!

wisdom

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Tonight's homework.

We didn't make her change it. Because sometimes, dammit, you just know.

lashes

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glow

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guest

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This little one is staying with us right now.

I'm in love.

width

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loo

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Rainbow toilet paper. Man, I love this house.

stocked

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Preparations are under way...

bare

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exam

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cheers

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A lovely glass of wine at dinner celebrating the 88th birthday of a lovely woman.

It was a nice way to end our weekend packed with work.

Until I came home and emptied the trash cans, cleaned the guinea pig cage, vacuumed, cleaned the litter box, planned out Wednesday's Girl Scout meeting, found my prayer for my ACTS retreat and did a bit of team business, and looked for a train engine controller. Seems my "end" was really just a midway point.

Enjoying the holiday season but damn, this display needs to get DONE.

abstract

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tracks

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So I can see how my numbers got jacked. I forgot to post yesterday and then plowed ahead today. So this is 339 from yesterday and today should be 340.

I can't fix this from my phone and I'm too lazy to get off the couch and retrieve the laptop right now.

abstract

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Anyone care to hazard a guess as to what this is?

baker

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Cookie exchange at work Friday.

ACTS team meeting tomorrow night.

With Monday being first reconciliation/headlight replacement night and Tuesday being Christmas lights/make dinner for a friend who just had her hip replaced night, tonight was my one shot to get them done.

Done they are, just in time for the big snow predicted to hit St. Louis. I may be eating 12 dozen peanut butter cookies this weekend.

There are worse things in the world.

buddies

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reconciled

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Zoe had her first reconciliation tonight. She was so excited, and so were all her friends. This is the heart she made in school that I held while she talked with the priest. Then I put it over her head to wear, to symbolize her newly clean heart.

I would have paid an amazing amount of money to hear her first confession. What does an eight-year-old girl who is pretty darn well behaved confess?

elfing

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Somehow my daily numbers have gotten all jacked up. Probably a symptom of late nights and weary minds too often. I'll go back and fix it. Or maybe not.

Today is yet another late night and weary mind. Too little sleep last night, children's liturgy at Mass this morning, then elfing in the yard all day (for a slavedriver...we didn't even stop for lunch...and you know how missing meals makes Amy a cranky girl), then helping M frantically pack for his trip (I fetched his luggage, glasses, headphones, and an assortment of clothes...God help him as I'm not usually packing for him so who knows what I forgot, although I did fold his dress shirts neatly so that ought to count for something), then a quick dinner on the way to dropping him off at the airport, back home to change the guinea pig's cage, clean litter box and empty trash and recycling before dragging that and some yard waste to the curb, laundry, bills and cleaning up email. Also organized some new car paperwork and created new yard signs for the Christmas radio station.

I think my day is done.

And I think I may sleep tonight.

Today's pic is of my favorite little house in our village that resides under the tree. Zozo was responsible for placing the cars this year, and she took it upon herself to use damn near all of them. There normally isn't a sports car parade through our sleepy little hamlet.