Wednesday, August 04, 2010


Dear Child o' Mine: Please, please, can I have one night of uninterrupted sleep? One night where I fall asleep and my eyes don't open until the morning? One night where you get up and use the potty by yourself, or retrieve Hoot from the floor by yourself, or get a drink in the bathroom by yourself, or get a tissue from the box on your nightstand by yourself, or pull up your covers by yourself. Are you seeing the trend here? By yourself. Sans Mommy. I love you, daughter, with all my heart. But if I don't get some friggin' sleep Mommy is gonna get real crabby real soon.

Dear Darling Husband: I would like to know, have you been programmed since birth to be able to ignore the cry of the female human? Or is this a trait you've developed in adulthood, approximately five years ago? Do your ears simply not hear that particular frequency? You have two options for tonight: a.) you can sleep in her room so as to be sure to hear her call, or b.) we can duct-tape the baby monitor to your head, with the speaker positioned at your ear. Your choice.
I learned yesterday that right after work is not the time to go to the gym. Because that's when everyone goes to the gym. All treadmills were taken, and the only elliptical left was the wonky one where the "0" doesn't work on the touchpad (thereby making it impossible to type in 30 minutes as your desired time, which means you type in 31 or 32 or 33 and get a LED reprimand from the machine that 30 minutes is the limit, you elliptical hog. Once I got past that and finally started exercising I realized that this was the machine where the flat panel TV turns itself off
every six to eight minutes. Right in the middle of heated debates on CNN where Republicans think we should amend/abolish the 14th Amendment so that children born in the U.S. are not automatically granted citizenship and we should be a country of exclusion even though the Founding Fathers thought otherwise, and Democrats say, in rebuttal, "Shut up you big stupidhead." Gawd knows I don't want to miss that.
My giant canvas prints were delivered Monday. I ordered five for my office and one for home. They look absolutely fantastic. The one over the fireplace at home is a portrait of Zoe. It's huge. 30x40. It's awesome and I love it so much why don't I marry it. The ones for my office are two Yosemite vistas, a close-up of some rocks on Weston Beach, a portrait of Zoe sleeping, and a fish-eye shot of Zoe walking in front of the Arch from last year.

I'm trying really hard to not be offended when my colleagues come in and say, "Wow. You must have a really nice camera." I was trying to explain this to M last night and he said, "What's wrong with that?" I explained that would be like our guests telling him he must have professional lights when they see the house lit at Christmas. Some day I will have the cajones to say, "Yes, I leave the camera sitting out with an array of lenses around it overnight, and when I get up in the morning there are a variety of fantastic images from which to choose. It's great! You should buy a really good camera and try it." People wouldn't tell Picasso that he had great brushes or Rodin that he had awesome chisels. Why is photography different from any other medium? Because everyone has a camera? This is a long-held beef of mine. You'd think I'd be over it by now. You would be wrong.
My boss told me yesterday, "You're the best writer around here by far, so I need you to write the copy for the new corporate brochure we're doing." Great! I replied. That's right up my alley. Do you have an old brochure I can see? No. Do you have a competitor's brochure I can see? No. Do you have an idea of what you want, or how you want it to flow? No, and no. Awesome. I'll get started.
My boss's boss saw my prints the other day and said, "You're in the wrong profession." I think that's a compliment.
We sat down and chose the date for Zoe's birthday party last night. Am so excited to get started on her invites. I haven't had time to really do it right for the last two years and am thrilled that school is done and I get to do fun stuff now. We started this morning with a quickie photo shoot in the backyard. Save the date: her birthday will be celebrated Saturday, September 4. Invitations coming soon (I hope!).
Which reminds me. I received Emma's birth announcement in the mail last night and therefore it's out there in the public domain and I get to post it here.

She's a cutie-patootie!


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